Livelife

  Problem : not being able to wake up at 4a Until 10th grade, i was able to wake up at 4am or earlier to study. My friends were the opposite they could study late till night but not wake up early. I started staying up late with them to study and that's when my problem of waking up early also began.  So just sleep early right? I tried that too but I still ended up waking up late. It was also due to overwhelmningness about all that I had to finish and do that kept me in bed. But now im trying to get better by breaking things down, planning, and using my energy well.  I want to wake up at 4am and sleep at 12 . 4 hours of sleep each day. Well that is what I have to do if I need to study 2 courses at the same time. So I would need to sacrifice my sleep.  Edison needed only 3-4 hours of sleep with strategic naps occasionally as he considered more hours of sleep was a waste of time.  I am tired of prioritizing my sleep over my goals the more I sleep the more anxiety de...

 Problem: Instargam is taking away my productive hours( study etc).  I have my exams in less than a week's time. I'm on a trip rn a 3 day one and that's not an excuse for not studying. Because i have seen people who study on the bus practising questions. Yes I can study while I was in the car an easy 30-1 hour of time could be spent on studying in the car. And i was more interested in listening to the music enjoying the view and being in the moment and it was at the wrong period of time as I spent my time like im already retired. After that im so much more interested in posting stories seeing who all liked it who all watched it like literally like a jobless person with no personal life. That one impulse of wanting to watch the story again, to check if anyone replied disrupts me.  Why? Why do I feel the need to check these things in the first place. Is it because of my lack of planning or a goal. Well I do have a goal but it only came to fulfill when there were people who ...

 Problem: feeling Stupid  Feeling stupid it's such a constant feeling for me except when I am with my college friends. But that reveals that Im not being challenged enough. If any competent person comes before me I feel stupid.   Well why are some people so naturally street smart . They have strong opinions and debates . They have interesting Knowledgeable conversations where they contribute in a lot.  Me ,my siblings and my father were sitting at the table together... They were talking about politics, cars, management, history, world war 2 etc. I was quite the entire time. I remembered a verse from the bible which said the fool has nothing to say when smthg imp is spoken smthg of that sort. Yes it did hit me but it doesn't mean that I have to continue being a fool. I can always acquire knowledge. Today I understood that to be among any successful people i need to be updated on things around me even random Facts.  Second would be to voice my opinions. No op...

These two days was full of rest as i have fever. Today afternoon I did vision myself  and did my laundry and got on making a plan for economics. I didnt study anything though. I do wanna start studying for atleast 2 hours a day...  Nissa was heading to shopping yesterday and on the way she gave me my top back.

 Hii, So I went out with my friends today! My friend who is in mangalore studying nursing brought me a gift! Lots of stud earrings and a top and also a biscuit and a hairclip!  My other friend from kainady came and we all went to Kottayam to shop for nissa as she had to buy stuff to take back to mangalore. We got in Westside. I found a lot of cute stuff. I bought a top I liked two other things but my budget was tight. Anyway we went to goodwill where i bought a pendant and a lipstick . My two other guy friends also reached there by that time by his bike. We all went to Ko co to have lunch.. when it was 4pm..  lol the food arrived an hour and a half late. We were really angry about it. They gave us a sweet as saying sorry similar to a tiramusu but it was banana and a syrup iced . It was alright . We then went to lulu. I bought marshmallow and kfc box for my family. It was already 7pm my guy friend dropped my friend on his bike. Me and my 2 friends got on the first bus that...

 Merry Christmas!  Isabella covered her first cake with the bow. It looked really pretty. She helped out her mother in the kitchen. Her mom made a whole feast for the day. Isabella's sister's friend had come to celebrate christmas with them and they spent really good time . The friend was giving away his cafe for 500. Isabella decided to take the risk and took part in the 3000 person challenge where only 1 would get selected. She did this as it was her dream to have a bussiness and she would also be earning passive income . She always wanted to be independent. Isabella had a cold from going outside yesterday so she wasnt feeling good. 

 I spent almost the whole day sleeping. Studies for 2 hours perhaps and had food . I. I did not complete the procedure tow rite the exam. My dad was so disappointed that he didnt say much. In the evening I could only let myself out of the bed after I told myself I don't have to study so just get up and i immediately did . The overwhelmingness I have over seeing the huge content to finish kills me.  Always ready things atleast a week before anything important.  Sleeping is not going to save you in your exam or make your dreams come true.

 Woke up by 8:53am in the morning. Brushed my teeth had an egg. I completed my work for constitution joined my online class by 9:45 wrote notes and went to sleep after class ended at 3pm. Woke up after 6:30 4 hours just went by really fast after that I dont even know what i was doing all these time now its 11:05 pm i had dinner wrote my blog. Studied nothing.  Did not do juns 4 wins  What i am learning  Sit down somewhere when you join online calss dont lay down it will make you sleepy. You complain of being lazy but its just poor planning and not making one. Time will go by anyways am I ready to use it well?  Make a plan no matter how late or messed up u have been in the past. 

 I'm writing this after almost 3 days and I will try my best to retrieve what happened that day  I woke up late after 7 so couldnt go for church. I decided not to wear lipstick one I was lazy to do makeup everyday 2. Liquid lipsticks ardently really good for my dry lips.  When I went to college my benchmate shivu asked me why I didnt wear my lipstick if I had forgotten to wear it. I told her my reason  I was really quite that day during lunch megha asked me why I was so quite I said I am a quite person she told me that not with us but I told her kind of in angry tone that I can't always be energetic can I. My tone was not right but im tired of people telling me how I should be they dont let me be myself at times. I dont like talking all the time sometimes I just wanna think and be quite its not like I have anything imp to talk about.  My mood was really bad after that maybe because of the way I had talked idk. Before going to the hotel for lunch paid 1000 for my...

 I woke up at 6:44 am quickly brushed my teeth and hurried to church. Had breakfast and i was feeling stressed because I had to complete a lot of homework and study for my test. My friend asked me to straighten her hair which I refused but I still did her hairstyle. I head to college. Fortunately we did not have the test I completed my homework of almost 7 pages of economics quickly during class and submitted it during the break. But I kinda wish that I had done it more sincerely like my friend shivani had. She was writing the homework until 3am writing maximum content in it . I realized that I was only doing it so that I could get it down I was not thinking of my university exam. In the afternoon my friend told me a guy had a crush on me. Tbh I didnt really know how to react so I was just laughing lol. She said that the guy said I had a special beauty. Idk what he meant by that but whatever. I never really noticed that guy and in the evening while I was getting down the stairs he ...

 I always have the dream of waking up at 4am everyday I dont have a specific reason for it but waking up at 4am regularly seems cool to me. Well the dream is always away from the reality atleast only for now... had my English exam today so I woke up at 6:50 am. I hadn't studied anything of it at all the previous day. After breakfast I quickly studied for almost two hours. I wasnt satisfied as i had not finished studying all the question papers or my notes. The exam paper was easy but I made mistakes in Grammer obviously for tenses as usual and legal terms too.  Today only 3 subjects were taught the rest were on presentations. Basically free periods and apparently I get a lot moody when there is free periods. I dont really know what to do and I get stuck in my thoughts of worry today I really made myself calm and doing thta made me realize that most of my worries were useless to have and instead I should think of things to be grateful instead. After college, my friend wanted to...

 Today morning I woke up at 7:12am five minutes before breakfast.  I wrote my blog after eating and got dressed for college. I wanted to read out some self affirmations and I did... when there was no one in the room.. I went to college studied case laws and went to class. I was really quite today. Slept in btw class too. I didnt feel like studying so I just spent my time sleeping during others presentations.  After college me and my roommate's went to buy a gift for secret Santa. I bought a perfume for my friend. Me and my friend nayana go to the ground to play badminton every day . The people that we borrowed fro before seemed to have a problem with us taking them so this time we borrowed it from our other class friends . But the issue this time was with the cork , the bud of the cork was plastic and it easily got stuck in the badminton racket . This made playing really inconvenient so we decided to walk through the ground.  Slowly we started to run and the boys who...

My alarm rang at 4am in the morning. I told myself not to get up . I was supposed to sleep at 11pm yesterday but ended up sleeping half an hour early. I was disappointed that I did not keep that promise my perfectionist self so did not let me wake up at 4am. My grandmother called to me and told me to wake up after frequent reminders I finally woke up by 5am... I brushed and sat there on my chair not knowing how it was already getting 5:46am. I was leaving my grandparents place to my hostel. My grandfather dropped me to the bus stop. It was cold and the view was good. I saw some students from bassalious college they usually got of at Hamilton bus stand. One of the students was sleeping I woke her up and told her it had reached Hamilton stop when I saw other students of that same college getting off. She first seemed hesitant looked out of the window and then looked in front of her seats to see if her classmates left. She then hurried off the bus. When I sat down on the seat I realized I...

 Probelm: Not having the desire to live  Solution  From early childhood I have felt the urge of wanting to die. Making mistakes killed me From inside. Whenever we did not do anything right my dad would look at us with disappointed and make me feel worthless.  Times passed and I treated myself the way my dad treated me whenever I made a mistake I hated myself I felt stupid and I just wanted to dissappear From this world.  First and foremost I had to change the way of my thinking of things. I was always self conscious of not getting it at the spot and I was afraid of looking stupid so I pretended to know things when I did not . What I am learning is to not judge myself when I dont get something or say the right thing but to allow myself to take the time to be curious and get to know the answer. No one gets it at the first time its by trying that you find the solution to your problems  If anyone told me I was going to die I would be happy because I was fed up ...

While I was scrolling through my instgram reels something motivated me to start writing blogs based on the things I learn each day. I will try my best to do this everyday forgive me if I don't. I will be writing this as advices to my younger self.    Everyone says if you want to be confident you should speak to yourself while looking at the mirror. I tried it. What I noticed was 1st the awareness of my own expressions words, tone, body language. 2nd i readjusted it in a way that aligned with my identity of self which is to talk with dignity and respect. Doing this for 5 min will make you confident.