17/12/25

 I always have the dream of waking up at 4am everyday I dont have a specific reason for it but waking up at 4am regularly seems cool to me. Well the dream is always away from the reality atleast only for now... had my English exam today so I woke up at 6:50 am. I hadn't studied anything of it at all the previous day. After breakfast I quickly studied for almost two hours. I wasnt satisfied as i had not finished studying all the question papers or my notes. The exam paper was easy but I made mistakes in Grammer obviously for tenses as usual and legal terms too. 

Today only 3 subjects were taught the rest were on presentations. Basically free periods and apparently I get a lot moody when there is free periods. I dont really know what to do and I get stuck in my thoughts of worry today I really made myself calm and doing thta made me realize that most of my worries were useless to have and instead I should think of things to be grateful instead. After college, my friend wanted to go to the shop to buy the christmas for our classmate. 

The gift was chosen by the shopkeeper herself apparently. She was in a hurry to close the shop so we didnt really have the choice to decide she was just enforcing us to buy them and because of our time constraint we bought it anyways. Me and my roomate gloriya then walked through the ground and came back by 4:50pm we actually had escaped from the hostel from the back gate because the warden told us to change our clothes and leave to the shop but we didn't want to change it so we took the other way. We acted like we were thieves or secret detectives lol. 

I had a bath for almost 40 minutes. After that I prayed and edited my videos . I took a lot of clips but soemhow when I merge them all together or put a song into it it feels like somethings missing. Is it the lack kf story in it idk my idea was just to take a video about the evening but it lacked something... a good ending . My video doesn't really make you feel something I think. I dont feel it to be cinematic I really dont know what to do. I tried so hard to put in music into that vn from instagram but today I found out you can't export that video using instagram audio because they dont allow it. 

I called my mom for 5 minutes then I studied for 15minutes. I had porotta and chicken. I love chicken but because I have acne I try to limit it so I can't really enjoy the chicken because im worried that I will get acne but I do eat as much as I want of chicken. Then I studies for 40 min I think I dont even remember what I was doing from 7:30 to 8:16 pm but I was studying towards the end... 

Anyways we had our attendance and group prayer After that I did my skincare and by 9 pm my dad called. He told me that he had to change the flat as they had asked him too. I did not ask why because I didnt want to hear what teh obvious answer would be so I asked my sister instead and its not what I thought it would its just the law that says after 10 years of tenancy you have the right to property so to avoid that they asked him to do so. 

For some minutes after my dad's call I felt really worried. In my entire life I have not worried about money because of my dad he always provided me with everything I needed. I am grateful to him. 

I was in my bedroom at the time nd was feeling sleepy so I got out of the bedroom and sat in a quite place to relieve my thoughts I did so for an hour. I had some goals to accomplish and those goals needed me to have full focus. I had to sacrifice my sleep, and the time i spent with family and friends. I have never done that in my life I dont really know how to live without these two stuff as i regard them both to be essentials of a healthy life. But if the life I am living right now is healthy then in reality its not. Yeah it looks like I have a lot of time on my shoulders but the amount of stress and depression I get from not studying is huge. I am a huge procrastinator at times I finish my task that should be completed in 30 minutes to take an hour or two basically Parkinsons law. 

Well its 11pm now I made myself stay awake until now but I didnt really study anything I have my exam next week and I haven't finished my portions. Apparently I like writing things like these more than studying. I find this to be interesting and something to have looked forward to.. 

I wish studying my syllabus was as fun as this was. I wish it wasnt so boring and complicated to make a plan over. I wish all this knowledge was already in my brain so I could focus on my hobbies and get goof grades but yeah thats fantasy. Well these are jsut bluffs im speaking.  

Well its 11:30pm now good night