Not having the desire to live

 Probelm: Not having the desire to live 

Solution 

From early childhood I have felt the urge of wanting to die. Making mistakes killed me From inside. Whenever we did not do anything right my dad would look at us with disappointed and make me feel worthless. 

Times passed and I treated myself the way my dad treated me whenever I made a mistake I hated myself I felt stupid and I just wanted to dissappear From this world. 

First and foremost I had to change the way of my thinking of things. I was always self conscious of not getting it at the spot and I was afraid of looking stupid so I pretended to know things when I did not . What I am learning is to not judge myself when I dont get something or say the right thing but to allow myself to take the time to be curious and get to know the answer. No one gets it at the first time its by trying that you find the solution to your problems 

If anyone told me I was going to die I would be happy because I was fed up with everything and waking up felt to be a big task. 

 Maybe it was because I was being too ungrateful because i know  there are so many people who would do anything to live. 

Root problem 

In 9th grade I gave my life to christ. I had made it my aim to deny myself and seek first the kingdom of heaven like the bible said. 

Slowly the urge to do so faded. When I did not seek first the kingdom of heaven or when I stopped denying myself I gave in to my physical desires which included sleeping, binge reading, and wasted a lot of my time . Doing this made me give up on life a lot because of the way I was living my life. 

I still do these things now but now I realize how important it is to do the hard things that you dont want to. Doing the hard things make you happier and give you a sense of purpose. 

Everyday we face choices whether to choose the easy or the hard way always choose Doing the hard things. It might be troublesome and boring while you do it and this will tremendously help you in your future. 

Saying these is easy and honestly I still do not feel like doing the hard things but I know that if I work hard now then i will reap its benefits in many ways in the future. I have to make God, myself, my loved ones to be proud of me. 




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